So Proud of You
by cpdfan4
Summary: Everyone in the bullpen is joking and laughing except for one person, and his partner is determined to figure out why. One-shot.
It was a slow day in the Intelligence Unit. The mood was light and the banter was flowing throughout the bullpen; even Voight was cracking a smile every now and again. The team had made a huge bust the day prior and they were supposed to be using the day for paperwork, something none of them wanted to do. But there was one person noticeably not cracking jokes or making fun of Ruzek. Detective Jay Halstead sat at his desk, staring blankly at the stack of papers in front of him, lost in his thoughts. No one seemed to pay much attention to the lack of input from him, figuring he was just exhausted from the amount of physical and emotional effort this case had taken. But his partner, Detective Erin Lindsay, couldn't shake the feeling that something was off with him. She kept trying to make eye contact with him from her desk across the room, but he hadn't looked up from his paperwork in hours. Erin wasn't sure if he'd even blinked.

Unable to take his silence anymore, she stood up from her desk and made her way over to his, perching herself on the corner of it. The rest of the guys were ganging up on Atwater about something, paying no attention to the partners.

"Hey," she said softly, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder, "You okay?"

Jay was completely zoned out and jumped when he felt something touching his arm and looked up into his partner's beautiful hazel eyes that were clouded with concern. "Yeah," he nodded. "Just tired."

Erin could tell that he was lying through his teeth, but she had no idea what the problem could be and knew that this wasn't the time or place to push it. "Voight said we could leave at 6. Why don't you come over to watch the Hawks game?"

"Can I take a rain check? I'm just really tired, Er." He tried to smile but Erin noticed that it never reached his eyes.

"Sure," she smiled sadly, squeezing his shoulder before making her way back to her desk to shut her computer down for the night.

"Alright guys," Voight boomed, coming back out of his office, "Seeing as none of you touched your paperwork, I'll see you all at 7 am. Have a good night." His gravelly voice dismissed the detectives.

Ruzek groaned. "Molly's, anyone? Paperwork will be more enjoyable if I'm still drunk in the morning."

"You can say that again. I'm in!" Atwater agreed, followed by nods from Mouse and Antonio.

"Lindsay? Halstead?" Ruzek asked.

"I'm gonna head home. I'll see you guys tomorrow," Jay said, brushing past the team and exiting the bullpen.

Erin ignored the looks from the rest of the team and shrugged. "I guess I'm in."

xoxoxoxoxoxo

"So what was Halstead's problem today?" Ruzek asked as he passed out another round of tequila shots to the group.

"Said he was tired." Erin shrugged again, throwing back another shot and letting the liquid burn her throat.

"Bullshit. He looked like someone shot his puppy!" Atwater chimed in.

"Maybe he got dumped." Ruzek suggested.

"No!" Erin quickly defended. Her partner would've told her if he was seeing someone… right?

Ruzek threw his hands up defensively. "Sorry, I was just saying." He pushed another shot down the bar towards her, but she shook her head. She wasn't sure if it was the newfound liquid courage or the thought of her partner with someone else, but Erin knew one thing: she was about to go find out what Jay's problem was.

"I gotta go." She picked her keys up off the bar and waved goodbye to the team, practically running down the street to her car. She was suddenly so concerned that she considered putting the siren on, but decided against it.

She arrived at Halstead's apartment building and breathed a sigh of relief when she saw his car parked out front. She quickly parked her own car and power-walked into the building, taking the stairs two at a time to avoid waiting for the elevator. Her mind was spinning, with every second she thought of another scenario to explain Jay's behavior. She just hoped her partner was okay – he was always there for her and now it was her turn to be there for him, no matter what she found on the other side of his door. Raising her shaking hand, she knocked firmly on her partner's door.

After a few moments, the door swung open and revealed a confused-looking Jay with red-rimmed eyes.

"Er…" Jay slurred and Erin looked into his apartment to see an empty whisky bottle on the coffee table. "I thought you were the pizza."

"Jay," she said softly; she could tell he had been crying. "What's wrong? And please don't tell me you're just tired."

Jay stepped back and opened the door wider to allow Erin to enter. She followed him over to his couch, where he collapsed back down and took a deep breath. Without saying a word, he reached over to the coffee table and picked up the photo album next to his whisky glass and handed it to Erin.

She sat down next to Jay and opened the photo album to reveal old pictures of a young Jay with a beautiful woman, whom she automatically knew was his mother when she saw her striking blue eyes.

"Why are you showing me this?" she asked gently, still confused.

"Today is three years." Jay told her, his voice cracking. "And I thought it would get easier, and it's just not getting any easier."

Suddenly everything made sense. Just a few weeks ago, Jay had mentioned that it was his three-year anniversary of coming home from Afghanistan. And Erin knew that his mom had passed away soon after he came home, making today the three-year anniversary of her death. She knew that Jay blamed himself for not being there for her while she was fighting cancer but she never realized he had been taking it this hard.

She closed the photo album and put it back on the coffee table, then reached across the couch and grabbed Jay's hands with her own.

"She would be so proud of you," Erin nearly whispered, fighting her own emotions as she watched her partner break down in front of her. Jay let go of Erin's hands to wipe his eyes, and then he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and dropping his face into his hands.

There was a knock on the door, which Erin figured was the pizza this time. She quietly got up and paid the deliveryman, leaving the box in the kitchen before making her way back over to Jay on the couch, who hadn't moved. She sat back down next to him, drawing circles on his back with her fingers.

"Talk to me, Jay. Tell me about her," she said softly. He turned his head in his hands and made eye contact with her for the first time all night.

"She was the best," he choked out before taking a deep breath. "She could make anything better, I swear. Whether it was a skinned knee, or a girl problem, or even the nightmares when I came home from war…" his voice trailed off and Erin wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pulling him up. She leaned back into the couch and held him next to her, his head on her shoulder and her fingers running through his hair.

"You remind me so much of her. You're so strong and you have such a big heart and all you ever want to do is help others, no matter how much it takes out of you. That's exactly how she was. Even when she was dying of cancer, she spent her last days packing her clothes into boxes for us to bring to the local homeless shelter. She was so weak she could barely stand, but she was so determined to clean out her whole closet. And she did it. She was so unwavering; no one could talk her out of it. Kind of like when you get an idea," he continued. From there, the floodgates opened and Jay began to recall stories from his childhood through his last days with her, sharing every detail of them with his partner.

"She sounds amazing, Jay." Erin placed a kiss into her partner's hair; so thankful he was opening up to her.

"She would've loved you. I can practically hear her asking why I don't have the balls to ask you out," he told her, and she swore he almost smiled.

"Hey, maybe one day, right?" she whispered soothingly.

"Oh, definitely." Jay picked his head up from Erin's shoulder and sat up, making eye contact with her for the second time that night. "Thank you for being here, Er. I don't like needing people, but I really don't know what I'd do without you."

"You've been there for me before. And I meant what I said, your mom would be so, so proud of you."


End file.
